This is a question that leads to an answer that neither my husband, nor I have ever, and may not ever be able to agree upon.
So how important is it that a husband and wife (or partners) be sexually compatible with each other when it comes to the frequency that they have sex?
I don't know. But, I wish I did.
It seems that since the beginning of our marriage - our relationship even, we have never been able to reach a consensus.
I say 5 times a week, and I'm more than happy.
He says once every morning, and once every night - so, 14 times a week, and then he would be happy. But I don't know about that.
It seems that the more he has sex, the more he expects, and the more he wants.
I feel as though I can only do sooo much.
This "Sex Talk" that my husband, and I have had time, and time again has always taken place because sex is something that we disagree on, we argue about, and it's a thorn in our big fat toe called marriage.
Actually, lack of sex in my husband's opinion is what causes the majority of the tension between us. While he says that he is happy, don't ask him if he's happy after a sexless night - he might bite, or rather explode. (This picture would be more appropriate if it read "Beware, Horny Monster.")
He is the most intolerable, cranky, awful person to be around if he hasn't had sex.
Like a Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. Dr. Love, and Mr. OneEyedMonster.
Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever both be "Happy" in the sex department of our relationship.
The other day, I asked.
I asked what exactly it would take for him to be happy.
Do you know what he said?
"I would be happy if I had sex once in the.....morning, and once at....night.....every day."
Well, what am I supposed to do, lock the kids in their rooms, turn up the radio, and say "yes" to a morning romp?
Am I supposed to sleep all day, while the children trample over my head , toys fly, things break, and poop happens so that I can be awake enough at the end of the day in order to want to have sex?
5 times, 7 times if it's a good week - that's what I feel is realistic.
My husband however, it's like he's on another planet. A planet called Wannabeasinglemanagain.
It hurts my feelings, makes me feel awful inside that I cannot ever satisfy him. That nothing is ever good enough, I'm not good enough.
I told him exactly how it made me feel. Tried to put him in my shoes, asked him how he would feel if I never thought he was good enough, and I reminded him of it each and every day.
He felt badly.
I hope that this sexual imbalance is more caused by our stage in life (3 kids, under 4 years-old, 2 in diapers, 1 still crawling, often waking Mom up in the night) , and not by who we are as individuals. I hope we will outgrow this.
Our Sex Talk went rather well. But, I know it's something that just like how we should give our teens a refresher Sex Talk every now, and again, that we will be revisiting this subject often.
It's the only way that I know of that can allow us to continue to understand each other's needs, feelings, and expectations.
For now, hubbie better learn to love himself a little more, ehhhum. At least until our kids are in school. Otherwise, I'm not sure that our family can tolerate the grumpiness.
Please tell me there's hope for 2 people who love each other to be happy even if their panties are on just a little differently. No my husband does not wear panties. How ever could you presume as much!....neither do I, teeheee. (Too much info, I know.)