Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Where Moms Go To Have Sex

I knew it - I just knew it!

Pick a title for your blog like "Sex Diaries of a Mom," and you're bound to get some strange, and well...perverted traffic to your site!

I looked up for interests sake what kinds of things people are typing in at http://www.google.com/ to get to Sex Diaries of a Mom, and here's some disturbing things that I found:

mom's naughty job - what job might that be? Scraping poo off of the floor? Or perhaps fishing a family heirloom from the toilet?

sexy moms masterbation - yah, this is where all us Moms go to masterbate, together! Kidding. Please, whoever you are, you're in the wrong place!

momsex with friend - I just don't undertand. Is there such a thing as "momsex," I'm a mom, and I feel left out. Should I talk to my friends about this momsex business or what? Kidding.

naughty moms having sex - I will admit, I am naughty, but I won't be showing any naughty sex photos of myself here.

nude masterbation party public - now that is just twisted, is it a byol party or what?

mom's sexy nipples - ewww...whoever you are go away, there are no nude nipple photos here!

And, now here's something that is just weird:

"frogs in my formula" - I once referred to my husand as a prince that turned out to be a frog (I guess we should all watch what we say while Google is looking.)


Mama of Romance

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I've Been Tagged!

Leah over at Diaires of a Domestic Goddess tagged me...

1. Where were you 10 years ago?
I was in High School, a lot less mature, a little wild (just a little.)

2. What is on today's To Do List?
To finish painting the mural in my 4 year-olds bedroom. I must have been crazy to think that I could whip up a 8 x 10 mural in a pinch! But, it's worth all the sweat, and the frustration, my little man calls me an "artist." It's going to get messy!

3. Name 5 places you have lived:
I've only ever moved once, okay twice. Always lived in Ontario, Canada. I moved an hour away after I got married, and then 50 ft from our old house to where we live now in our new home, that isn't finihed yet.

4. Name 3 of your bad habits:.
Eating too much chocolate, taking those I love for granted at times although I wish I didn't (that took guts to admit), and not putting laundry away (you can't see our family room couch most of the time, it's more like a mountain of clothes - I like to think it's because I can't reach the top closet rod in any of our closets...but it's more a lack of time, and desire.)

5.What are your favorite snacks?
Chocolate, Babaganush - if I spelt that right (it's an eggplant dip, good with toasted crackers - man that sounds gross!), and nachos.

6. Who will you tag for this meme?

Mama of Romance

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Monday, September 29, 2008

Marriage Or Mental Health Dept?

Deep inside, I feel guilty for complaining about my husband - because, I have one.

I know exactly what life can be like as a single Mom, I was raised by one. I knew that it meant that as the child, I had a different kind of relationship with my mom.

It meant that I had more responsibilities, I was expected to be more mature, and that I was part of a team - the team was her, and I.

For her, it meant that all the weight, and all the stress was on her shoulders all of the time, without ceasing.

I know that I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband who cares so much for myself, and for our children, but I think that any woman, any human can only go so long under stress.

For me, just this past week, the last straw was just as everyone in the household got sick, I was at my end.

This was the first time in our entire marriage that I ever yelled at my husband so loud. I am ashamed of it now, but some how, I think it helped him to realize that I simply could not handle the way things were going any more.

Our family sees little of my husband. He leaves often before we get up, and is home seldom for dinner. If he does eat dinner with us, he is gone again until just a few minutes before the kids go to bed. So they see their father maybe 5 minutes a day.

This has been going on for weeks, and weeks. Maybe a month or two. I don't know exactly, all that I know is that I feel just like a single Mom, and I know that I didn't sign up for this. It's felt like an eternity.

When we decided to have a child, 2 children, and then a third - we talked about sharing in on the responsibility.

Because they are 4, 2, and 11 months, and all very busy boys, by the end of the day some days I am ready to just quit - or lose it. As sad as that may sound.

I love my husband, and love my children more than life, more than anything, but I have felt all alone in raising them, and completely overwhelmed.

I can handle a lot. But after not having support for so long in any way, I can understand why some women lose it. So when I yelled at my husband, that was me saying "I'm going to lose it, if things don't change."

You have to understand, that he is self-employed most of the time. So, the hours that he sets - well he sets them. I am well aware that we need money, doesn't everyone. But, I am willing to settle for a whole lot less of it, if it meant that I could have just an hour more with him a day.

My breaking point was when we went to help his Grandmother at her house. The family was there.

She is getting older, and there are certain things that she can't do any more. So, we were all pitching in.

We were about to leave, and everyone was standing around saying Goodbye.

My father-in-law asked why on earth I didn't want to bring the kids out with them to have a bonfire, and camp out.

After hours, and hours of being outside working, my children were falling down tired, and so was I. He hadn't a clue.

My mother-in-law asked "What is she going to do instead?"

My husband responded "I don't know what she does all day."

It wasn't so much what he said, as how he rolled his eyes, and mockingly said it as if he didn't know what I did - like I did absolutely nothing.

I don't think I have ever in our entire marriage even felt so disrespected, and humiliated in front of family members.

His mom ever proceeded to say "Whack." As she imitated smacking him across the head, insinuating that he was out of line.

I left. I was crushed.

Receiving nothing but grief at every turn of myself trying to express how I need my husband, like I was being smacked in the face at each and every turn, I could not believe that he would do such a thing in the presence of others.

I bawled all the way home, my 4 year-old asking "What's wrong Mommy?"

And, what was I supposed to say, as I desperately didn't want to involve my children.

I managed a "Mommy just needs to cry, so that she can feel better."

When my husband got home later on, he wondered why I was upset. He was almost mad at me for not being in a good mood.

I suppose he is upset because he knows that if I'm not happy, we don't always have sex.

I couldn't believe it. He doesn't understand at all. I lost it.

I screamed words at him that explained exactly how I felt. I cannot believe how I sounded, I am truly ashamed - like a crazy person.

He left, not being able to handle the yelling.

When he returned, I had come to a decision. I absolutely had to leave, with the kids.

No kidding, I was done. I needed to go away for a while, and not be any where near him. I couldn't take one more day with his selfish, unsympathetic, oblivious, and almost cruel attitude, and without support.

I explained to him that I planned to go away for 4 days to see his sister, and take a break.

He asked why.

I explained that there was no point in me being here, because not only was he not - but when he was he was mean to me as well.

I was expected to be the quiet little obedient housewife that catered to my husband, and to his needs, while ignoring my own. I felt in a timewarp.

What a low, extremely low point to have reached in our marriage.

I was adamant, and I walked away. He knew that I was serious, and I think for the first time, he realized that everything that I had been trying to say for so long wasn't a joke. I was truly hurt, and truly felt all alone.

When I told him that every time I reached out to him to tell him that I needed him, and that he was mean to me in return, it was just like a slap in the face. I think he for the first time felt sorry.

I can put myself in his shoes. I know that he must feel an incredible weight on his shoulders to provide for his family, to keep everyone that he deals with happy - there probably isn't much left of him to give at the end of the day either.

After this fight, it was the first time that he came to me, and asked me what I needed.

I told him this:

"I need you home for dinner, even if we eat dinner later on in the evening - say 7pm. I need you to stay home after that to help with the boys, to play with them, bath them, and help put them to bed at 8pm. After that, you can do whatever you like. But I need you for that hour. That is what would make me happy."

I have also started helping him with his work while I can.

Now, he gets it. He's been home every night for dinner since, and has been around to help out.

I haven't felt better is so long.

Single Moms, I do not know how you do it!? I admire you, and I admire my own mom.

All that I can say is - I am human. I am grateful that we were able to finally understand each other, and that I have every reason in this world to make our marriage work because I am certain that we need each other.

Marriage isn't perfect. I can remember back to the time when we got married, and went through premarrital counselling - the most important thing we were told was to know each others expectancies of one another.

That's excatly what we have finally established - our expectations.


Mama of Romance

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Liquorice Butt

Do you tell people that you know intricate details about your sex life? You know, hang out your dirty laundry?

I know that I don’t.

I don’t feel comfortable saying the word “sex” in front of most, if any of the people that I surround myself with on a regular basis. These people being my children, my in-laws, family members, and neighbors.

The only few people that I would dare say anything about the subject to I hardly speak to any more. These people being my best girlfriends from high school, that have now all moved, and started their own lives, and families.

When I finally do get a chance to catch up with them, sex isn’t the first topic that comes to mind.

But, not everyone is like me.

Do you know anyone, actually I’m almost certain that we all know at least one person that just gives us WAY too much information!

Well, after what I heard, I can no longer look the same way at a certain person - or their partner.

My husband was visiting his uncle, who strangely is closer to his age, than he is the age of what you think your uncle should be.

They were working together at something, and weren’t talking about anything sexual in nature.

Suddenly, his uncle just out of the blue decided to state the following:

“Hey, do know what is just so funny?”

My husband was expecting a joke, or a explanation of what was funny that his children did.

But, instead this is what he heard:

“Me, and the Mrs. were playing around last night in the living room, and I was totally naked. I was doing a little dance in front of the Mrs. and she was really excited about it. When all of a sudden, Mr. Soandso banged on our living room window. He saw me in the nude, buck naked with a piece of liquorice between my butt cheeks. The Mrs. likes liquorice.”

OMG! What do you say to that!?

Well, my husband was more shocked than he was about to laugh at what his uncle had assured him was going to be funny.

He mustered an “unhuh-” and then quickly changed the subject.

And, of course came home to tell me all about it.

Now I cannot get the mental picture of my husbands uncle out of my head. I slightly bigger man with a hairy back, in the nude, in his living room, with a piece of liquorice hanging down between his butt cheeks. Ah!

Some things just do NOT need to be shared with the people that you know. Some things should be kept sacred.

You don’t have to let everything hang out on the line.

I will never, in my life be able to look at him in the same light, my husband and I will have difficulty not calling him the well deserved title of “Liquorice Butt,“ or will I ever eat a piece of liquorice without thinking of his tale.

I wonder what kind of liquorice it was anyway? Haha.


Mama of Romance

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Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sexless In The Blog World

Where have I been?

Well, I've been sick, and busy looking after 3 sick children.

This week can be described as a big mushed up pile of endless boogers, too much poop, crying, and the feeling that my head was going to explode.

While I barely feel like I've made any head way with anything in my life, I now feel better, and ready to take on anything.

So if I haven't been blogging, commenting, or visiting any where for the past few days it's because my family was in need of much needed care.

There's been no blogging, no cleaning, no fun, and absolutely no sex - okay just a little.

I'm happy to be feeling better finally, and am so excited to be blogging again! I have so much to get caught up on, so much to say.

To give just a little hint about what I have to talk about...there's a story about liquorice and butts, a total marital meltdown, a makeup story, and another episode of the kids who say the darnedest things.

For now, I'm off to bed, but look forward to blogging all about it in the morning!


Mama of Romance

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Sexy Tip #8 For Moms

Keep It Clean.

What? - I thought that in Sexy Tip #7 For Moms , it was a good idea to enjoy the mess? Are we not being just bit hypocritical here?

No, we are not.

Sure, enjoying a mess is fun, there's nothing quite like a good clean mess.

But, be clean yourself is the point.

Because there is nothing more revolting to the majority of people than someone who stinks, tastes bad, or looks unkept.

I know that I am even guilty myself at times for not taking the 5 minutes I need to have a shower sometimes. Between looking after my 3 kids, our house, and everything else sometimes at the end of the day I'd rather fall into bed than take a shower.

Even though sometimes my husband might not take a shower, which is gross because his job has him sweating all day long, I don't mind.

However, when he is all cleaned up, and even in decent clothes, smelling oh so great, that's a big turn on, and I know that he feels the same about me.

Having good hygiene is a common courtesy that we should all extend to our partners, because without doing so we're saying that we don't care enough about ourselves, or them by taking the time that is needed to care for ourselves.

This should be common sense. If you were blindfolded would you be more attracted to the B.O. smelling man...or the mint fresh, washed one? Hmmm...let me think about that one.

Smelly man/woman go take a jump in the lake, and come back when you are clean.


Mama of Romance

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Monday, September 22, 2008

Monday's Muse

Heather over at Maternal Spark has started a new meme called Monday's Muse. Her blog, Maternal Spark is a great blog about creativity, and motherhood. I thought that I would give Monday's Muse a try, of course with a little twist of my own. Thanks Heather for the idea!

Since we're talking about muses, those things, or people that motivate us to be creative - that drive us to shine, I thought that I would bring up the subject of how to be creative in bed.

Ever since I became a Mom, to be honest, sex has become routine, structured, quick, and the same day after day - for the most part.

You're tired, and so when and if you're going to have sex with your partner, you're looking to do it, and get it done so you can just shut your eyes and go to sleep. Unless you're the type that likes to have sex while you sleep - just kidding.

You do what works, and what works is what you're capable of, and what's comfortable for you as well.

For me, between being pregnant, and having a baby 3 times in the past 4 years, sex has been slightly awkward, and even sometimes painful at times, and has become very hum-drum...well boring at times.

It's like anything; you do something repetitively for long enough, and it can get boring. But if it's what works, what's a girl to do?

Well, I challenge myself, and all other Moms out there today to step outside their comfort zone, and to do something that is different, that might require a little more energy, and might be just a bit uncomfortable.

I'm not going to go all Kama-Sutra on you, but I am going to challenge you to figure something out on your own. Quite frankly I don't want to get into all the graphic details, I'm a Mom for Pete's Sake, and my kids are here with me!

So, if you're really unsure as to what to do, Google it.

To no one's surprise, the internet is full of all kinds of sexual content from pornography, to strange, and warped things that you'd rather pretend you know nothing about.

If you're timid, try searching for something like "research Kama Sutra" - and hopefully you won't see anything too graphic, or intimidating.

But, if you do - you're a Mom, and I'm sure that means that at some point in your life, albeit extreme circumstances, that you've had sex a time or two.

We as Moms go above and beyond for our children, day in and day out. For once - at least, try going above and beyond for your partner, and remind them why it is that you are still so in love with them, after all you've been through.

Today, make your partner, the one that you love so much your muse! Good luck to making their heads spin, and shocking yourself a little too.

Feel free to link to this post, whether you are going to partake in this challenge, or not.


Mama of Romance

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Friday, September 19, 2008

I'm Not Anti-Man

Shaking my head, as I write these words, trying to shake off all the melodrama I've received for not talking about my husband like he is a God.

I want to make it abundantly clear that I love my husband. If I never had anything to complain about in my life, in my marriage, about my husband, and myself - well then everything would be perfect. If everything was perfect, then life would be boring.

I am not perfect. And, although I may speak my mind, and occasionally step on a few people's toes, I think that's what makes me human.

Here are 50 things that I LOVE about my husband, just in case anyone is wondering, including him if I ever love him at all!

1. He is caring.

2. He is a great father.

3. I love the way he looks like a drooly puppy when he sleeps.

4. He is the handsomest man I've ever laid eyes on, I still think that after 5 years of marriage, 7 years together, and 3 kids.

5. He's generous, and never leaves me feeling like I miss out.

6. I can tell him anything, and blog about anything, do anything, and he loves me still.

7. I love that he loves me no matter what.

8. I love his bum.

9. He gives amazing massages.

10. He works so hard for his family, and looks after all of us very well.

11. I love his cuddles, he's like a giant teddy bear.

12. He makes me laugh.

13. I love how at the end of the day, he always asks "Is there anything I can do for you."

14. He makes great pancakes.

15. He is my very best friend.

16. I love how he is meticulous like a footery old man.

17. I admire his strength, both physical, and how he is always there for me, like a rock.

18. I love that we dream together.

19. I love his eyes. They are gorgeous.

20. How he likes to hold me in his arms each morning before he gets out of bed.

21. How when he kisses me, he sticks his tongue out - just a little.

22. I love that he would do ANYTHING for me, and his children.

23. I love that he is reliable.

24. Responsible.

25. Easy going.

26. How he just likes to chill sometimes.

27. I love his smile, his lips are so nice.

28. That he is so masculine.

29. That he gets embarrassed when he toots, and denies being the cause of the smell. I even love that he smells so bad!

30. I love his hugs.

31. I love that sometimes he'll just make cookies or rice krispie squares out of the blue.

32. That he is sensitive.

33. I love that he never gives up, and tries so hard.

34. I love that he is the best role model I could ask for my children.

35. I love that he still asks me to dance when he hears our song on the radio.

36. I even love that he is still a bit of a pervert, okay he is a pervert! I'm grateful that he is attracted to me after I've had 3 kids.

37. He's like a cat. He likes to be scratched, and rubbed.

38. He can do anything. He is Mr. Fix It. Mr. Build It.

39. I love that he often thinks that he is perfect, or that he has a better way of doing things, always. He's self-assured, confident.

40. I love that he is passionate about me, and that his passion has never dwindled.

41. I love that he likes to sit and watch movies with me sometimes.

42. That he is fun.

43. Young at heart.

44. I love having tickle fights with him. And I'm not sure why, but I enjoy pinching his nipples.

45. I love that he can still pick me up, and carry me any where.

46. I love his devotion to his work, and his family.

47. I love that he is so mature, and yet can act like a kid at the drop of a hat.

48. That he has a positive outlook on life.

49. That he is so ambitious.

50. I love everything about him!

Much of what is written here at Sex Diaries of a Mom is dedicated to my loving husband - I love you.


Mama of Romance

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Somethings Are Better Left Unsaid

Ever get into a slightly heated conversation, and wish you hadn't said what you were thinking?

I'm certain that after last night, my husband is wishing that he had of kept his thoughts to himself. And, maybe I do too.

We were sitting at the dinner table, eating a late dinner, because my hubbie was late again getting home.

His job is very demanding right now, and now is the busiest time of the year for him. So for the past few months I have felt like a single parent, except almost worse because I've had to do things for my husband as well as picking up whatever slack he can't handle.

My kids miss their father, and I miss having to share the responsibility of raising 3 little children with someone other than my worn out self.

I made a beautiful supper. Homemade lasagna. Even blueberry pie.

The house was clean, and I was pooped after having worked my butt off all day.

He was telling me about his day, and how things would soon slow down.

As he said that my eyes lit up, an enormous smile spread across my face, and I looked up at him as he continued to eat his dinner. I might as well have been a little puppy excitedly wagging my tail in anticipation of a bone.

I thought to myself "haha....now it's going to be his turn to look after the kids more."

Thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to say "Honey, that's great, because you owe me big time, and you can start helping out more with the kids."

I didn't mean that I wasn't grateful for all the hard work that he's been doing, or that I wasn't ecstatic that all the bills are finally getting paid. I just meant that perhaps he could carry some of the weight when it comes to looking after the kids like he would normally be doing anyway, so that I could finally have a break!

Well, it happened immediately.

He rolled his eyes, and huffed - "yah - I owe YOU."

The bulls of fury have been released, as I'm ready to reach over the table, and grab him by the shirt collar, and scream "YES!!! You do owe me. I've looked after the kids day, and night, and day and night with absolutely NO help for weeks upon weeks!! When was the last time YOU changed a poopy diaper!? Huh? Or, cleaned up puke. Or picked up toys. Or read a story even!? Are you out of your mind!? You need to be their FATHER again!!"

I calmly sit. My eyes starting to give that womanly look - you know the one, when you just know that the woman is extremely mad, so mad that you're scared because you just aren't sure what you can expect she might do next.

I figure, maybe he's misunderstood, I will clarify my words for him....

Ehhhum, "Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that you owe me anything, I just meant that it would be nice to have you helping with the kids a little more again, you know, so I can have a bit of a break."

That sounded better.

He still looks annoyed, sitting their without speaking. He is mad at me, I know it. I'm starting to get annoyed. He obviously doesn't get it.

What right does he have to roll his eyes at me anyway? And, that tone, I don't deserve that! I just slaved away all day, for weeks to make everything nice for our family, you'd think he could at least have the decency to speak nicely to me. I'm the mother of his children, the one who keeps everything in order, who makes sure that everything goes as it should. I haven't been mean to him at all. In fact I was in the best of moods until I had to hear him speak!

"What is wrong? Why are you so grumpy?" I said.

And then it was over. The candidacy was finished.

"Well, you're just such a snob." He said.

WHAT!? I'm a SNOB!?

Okay, that's news to me. That hurt. He has gone completely bonkers. I'm now at my end - with him.

I sat in silence for the rest of dinner, other than to talk nicely to my kids, clean things up, bath them, and put them to bed. AGAIN, all by myself.

He went back to work, more.

As we got into bed later that evening. He acted like NOTHING was wrong.

And, again, the same old, same old question arose "can we have sex tonight?"

I looked at him like he was out of his mind, like he was the most daft person on the planet, and said - "No."

I continued typing on my laptop.

"Why not?" He asked.

I contemplated not blogging about this next part, but hey, what the heck.

"No." I repeat.

"Alright, fine then. I'll give you 1000 dollars if you give me a blow-job." He mockingly said.

I cannot believe that he would treat me like a prostitute. Talk about rubbing in the fact that we actually have a little money right now, because I never see him, and he's working so hard. Oh, the nerve.

"No." I repeat. I wonder how many times I have to say the word "no," until he gets it?

"Ah, come on, please." He says, now looking like a little puppy with those big puppy eyes.

Was he not home for dinner? Did he miss something. I do not have the patience to deal with this. And, against my normally better judgement I spoke the words of the age-old woman which I vowed never to use.

"If you don't know, I am NOT going to tell you. Goodnight."

This morning to my glee, he treated me like a Queen. He better. I didn't decide to have 3 kids all by myself, nor did I decide to have to help him out so much without at least being treated with the respect that we both deserve.

Somethings, are ABSOLUTELY better left unsaid. He knows that now, so do I. And, rolling your eyes at someone is not a good plan of action- because that in itself speaks a thousand words, not nice ones. I think he's learned his lesson.

Who am I kidding? Dare I say - he's a man.


Mama of Romance

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