Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The "Je Ne Sais Quoi" of Romance

It's like the book says "Men Are From Mars, and Women Are From Venus."

Or was it the other 100, and some books out there? All of which describe the profound differences between men and women, most of which us busy Moms don't have time to read, and won't read in front of our children anyway.

Hmmm, let me think about that - men, and women are different? Really?

You think.

Of course they are! And, if they weren't life would be boring.

Men and women actually compliment each other, in most cases. And while it might seem challenging to understand each other at times, it can be a great game of give and take in perfect harmonious balance if we allow it to be.

However, most couples, especially of small children have a similar complaint:

The men - I wish we could have more sex.

The women - I wish my husband was more romantic, and understanding.

I can relate completely to this scenario, and it gets progressively worse, let me tell you, as you have more children, especially while they are young.

That's not to say that every marriage, or partnership feels this way.

But let's face it, after changing poopy diapers, cleaning up spit-up or pee that missed the potty, scrubbing dishes, endless laundry, listening to screaming kids all day, us Moms need a little romance at the end of the day!

I call it, getting out of "Mommy Mode."

Try explaining this to a husband who works hard, and all he wants to do is something about something else that's hard at the end of his day.

He waited patiently all day, through supper, the kids bed time, and now he has you all to himself at last.

Well, it comes down to - you GET what you GIVE in my opinion.

The key is to GIVE to your partner what THEY want, and need. And, without sounding too old-fashioned, or sexist, "Ladies First."

If the man gives his wife/partner what she wants, naturally he will get what he wants in return. Et voila, you have a happy couple.

But is it really that simple?

What if the man doesn't want to have to always make the first move?

Well, going back to the woman, if she's looked after everyone except for herself ALL day long, then maybe until life gets a little less demanding on her, without sounding too harsh, the man should suck it up, and take whatever he can get remembering that he has to give in order to receive.

Raising children, especially at first can feel like weathering a storm in your love life. That's life.

I think that it is important to talk to your partner about what you need, and what affects your desire to want to be intimate.

And, honestly it isn't fair for the man to always be last in line. But, if he does want to be first, than it's not out of the question to ask him to help you to make him first on your list.

You can do this by asking him to pick up some slack around the house, or with the kids, or maybe even arranging a babysitter. Whatever works for your life, and as a couple.

My final words,

Men - put on your romantic hats for your ladies, and if you don't have one, get one.

Women - remember that motherhood doesn't mean the end of your womanhood, or your livelihood, so don't forget to show your love, and be loved.


Mama of Romance

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Kelly said...

very well written! i enjoyed reading every word and i can't wait to read more!!!

The Mom said...

Thank you Kelly, and I look forward to you coming back soon!