Saturday, August 9, 2008

Thought He Was a Prince, But He Turned Out to Be a Frog

Giggling to myself with each word that I type....

I met, and fell in love with the man of my DREAMS!!

The first moment I saw him, I literally could not take my eyes off of him. I felt embarrassed that I was acting so uncontrollably creepy, and thought that if he caught me staring, he might think I was a weirdo.

But, it turned out that the feeling was mutual.

As I signalled him over with the motion of my finger to "Come here." Surprised, he walked toward me.

I asked, "do you want my number."

He blushed, and said "yes, but I don't have a pen."

I asked, "do you have a good memory?"

He said "yes," and I gave him my number.

He called the day after the next. We went on a date, got engaged a year later, married a year later, had a baby a year later, and then another, and another.

He rode into my life like a knight in shining armour, and made all of my dreams come true.

He swept me off my feet, bought me flowers, made me beautiful things, and took me to romantic places.

But, the dust settled, my love-blind vision began to clear, and I saw him for what he really is - a frog.

Turns out, I married a pervert.

Any other ladies out there feel the same way? Come on, tell....

He went from being Mr. Romantic & Mr. Perfect, to being Mr. Let It All Hang Lose & Mr. Say Whatever You Think.

I hear more words like "boobs, butt, the other word for *cat*, etc. than I could ever want to hear.

If I have to hear the sentence "are we going to have sex tonight?" one more time I might scream.

And, if I get groped in the breast, butt, or private area one more time, I might just have to throw Mr. Froggy back out into the creek where he belongs.

Now instead of lavish gifts, I have to settle for complete mediocrity, or nothing at all.

I'll never forget, it was Valentine's Day, three years ago. I got half a box of chocolate milk, a half eaten chocolate bar, and a wilted flower from a convenience store last minute.

A lot of people say when they get married "a switch goes off," and things completely change, or that their partners true colours come shining through, well my husband couldn't be more see-through than a pane of glass.

He doesn't hold anything back. I get to hear every, single, little, perverted word of it, and feel every, single, little, perverted move he makes.

It's as though his brain got taken over by a shorter, longer, dare I say "little" man with 1 eye.

Ehhum...It's BIG dear, don't worry - if you're reading this!

Well, it turns out that after 5 years of wedded bliss, 3 children, and more happy memories together than I could have possibly hoped for - I like frogs.

In fact, I love them.
The positives far outweigh the negatives.

You know, you gain a great sense of peace when you finally start to love your partner for who they are, how they act, what ever shape or size of package. I love the whole package.

Even if it's a green, slimy, can't keep his hands to himself, gross sounding, package.



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Melanie said...

Hi...I'm from MBC and have so enjoyed reading your posts...I have married a froggie pervert..If i wanted my boobs to be toys I'd play with them myself...go play with yours..LOL and that starts froggie croakin...I too have 3 children and have been married for 15 years...Love him dearly and if he can deal with my many issues, I can deal with him...

Thanks for giving some great tips and reading...Melanie

The Mom said...

Thank you Melanie for being so open, and honest! I think it's great that you are both accepting of each other's flaws. Thank you for your input! ;0)