Words from Mr. Romance

Some things that you might want to know about me, Mr. Romance (the name my wife, not me chose. You can call me whatever you want, but don't call me late for having sex.)…

Oh, and before I get started - I'm supposed to say if anyone is squeamish about sex, please come back again another time.

I like boobies, and I like pussy cats. These are some of the many things that I like about sex. I just like having sex because it feels good on my dinky. One thing that I really miss aside from the occasional frequent lack of sex, is nursing from my wife’s breasts, which is something that she won’t let me do anymore. I like nipples, and having them in my mouth. One of my favourite activities is giving my wife oral sex, but it’s nice to do so when she keeps herself neat (no clitty litter.) I also like admiring my wife when’s she’s naked.

About my sex life…

Sex life, hmmmm, I wish that I had one, that I could have sex right now, but instead I‘m writing this post for my pretty wife. I like what it says in a picture on her blog that “bad sex is better than a good day at work.” I’d take sex over work, or anything any day. Unfortunately, I have sex about an eighth as much as I would like to now that I’m married, and have 3 kids. But, I like having little mini versions of myself running around so it‘s all good. I feel that everybody should have 5 orgasms per day. It’s true. That’s how I feel.

Inner Desire…

Part of me wishes that I could be a porn star, I uh wouldn’t want to lose my dignity though. And, I wouldn’t want to make my wife sad. If I was a porn star I could only have sex with my wife. So, I settle for a home made movie now and again - hopefully again.

When asked “If you could tell all the Moms out there one thing, what would it be?” I say - give blow jobs, and give them often. Don’t be afraid to be on top sometimes.

When asked “How do you keep the romance alive?” I say - talk dirty, don’t keep your hands to yourself, and flashing.

When asked “How do you cope with the sometimes lack of sex?” I say - Well, I uh, use my energy on other things like work, playing with the kids, or working on the house. But, when I’m distracted by my wife, whom I’m very attracted to, I find it difficult to not want to have sex.

And, I really want to know when my wife is going to host a wet t-shirt contest on her blog, I’ll take the pictures. (Of my wife, of course.) No offense intended with this picture, I just think it's funny, and it's not my wife by the way.

Hooray for boobies!

Can I have sex now?

Mr. Romance

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You Wouldn't Understand, Your Nipples Are Just Ornaments

When I was pregnant, my breasts, and nipples become very tender. Now, some women at that point apparently enjoy their partners touching them, but some, including myself found it to be completely intolerable.

After baby came, I nursed, and I protected my breasts, because in my mind, my breast milk was like LIQUID GOLD for my baby.

Other than that, I don't know why exactly I protected my breasts. I did so completely automatically, by instinct, and couldn't stop myself from protecting them like they were central to my baby's survival.

I know that if for WHATEVER reason my husband thought that he might cop-a-feel, or even look at my breasts side-ways, that I was prepared for a battle in which he would wind up with the purple nipples, and not me.

Afterall, his nipples are just ornaments. Why do men have nipples anyway?

Looking back, I can only imagine how scary I must have looked as I growled, and grimaced at him, signaling him to back off, like one of those scary women on a horror flick.

Let's just say that for the first several months, baby became the sole share holder of "Breast Enterprises."

I felt I had due cause to be so protective though. Afterall, it had been extremely difficult to nurse at first. Latching on was a really big challenge. After weeks of bleeding nipples, and excruciating pain, I was almost on the verge of giving up.

I never knew that I would have blisters on my breasts, never in my life.

Thank goodness for that yellow goo!

Just to reassure other new Moms out there, nursing did get better, and with all of my other children, breast-feeding became a walk in the park.

I am so thankful though that I was able to nurse, and I have no regrets.

It was more than four months before my baby was completely established at latching on correctly, nursed properly, and that for me nursing began to feel natural at all.

Once I finally became a little more relaxed about everything: motherhood, nursing, and getting back into the routine of having a love life, I was considering allowing my husband access to two of his favorite play toys again.

That notion was forgotten completely however after he groped my breasts just too much, and kept bugging me to drink my breastmilk.

No more breasts for you.

Now, I'm not sure if I am the only woman out there who has found herself in this situation, but l just couldn't hack being poked, and proded so much.

I mean, come on! Baby just nursed, and nursed, and nursed, and now you, a grown man wants to pull, and play with these breast too!? I think not.

Truth be told, I was even a little disgusted at the thought of my husband drinking my breastmilk, and I wasn't willing to share. Although admitedly, I allowed him to a time or two hoping that he would find it gross, and not want any more.

I was wrong.

Enough booby talk. Three kids later, and I'm still sensitive about this area of my body, and reluctant to give my husband full access.

I feel bad for him at times, and I do try to remind myself how much he enjoys them, but it's going to happen gradually I think.

That leaves me with a final question:

Are you protective of your breasts? I am.

Sincerely,

Mama of Romance

xoxo