Thursday, August 14, 2008

Ever Slept With a Monster?

I despise waking up already in a bad mood. I'm an extremely positive person, and so I like to shake off any "grumpiness" a.s.a.p. if there is any.

But, this morning....was a little harder than normal not to want to stomp around my house like a grump myself.

I slept with a monster last night.

You see, the monster made outrageously loud groaning noises, and covered my pillow with an oozy substance, no not what you're thinking...

It's tentacles wouldn't stop reaching over to grab at me, coming from all different directions; touching my breasts, and poking me up the bum.

I'm assuming it was a "He" because it reminded me exactly of my husband.

That perverse monster had some nerve!

I was half asleep, and thinking to myself "what ever that is, it better stop - I'm going to freak!"

And, then at 3 am, finally having had enough, I woke up completely.

I sat up in bed, and turned toward the monster that I was ready to pumble, and it was my husband. Surprise, surprise, looking like a drooly puppy.

Needless to say, this morning I was perturbed with him for having disrupted my sleep all night. I like to save that for my 3 kids that normally wake me up. If I wanted a 4th member of our family to wake me up, I would have another baby.

How kind of Hubbie to think that I needed another person to assist in making sure that Mommy never gets any sleep, ever, how kind.

The funny thing is, this monster has amnesia. He didn't remember a thing! He could have been seeping in his smelly cave, where he belongs, and wouldn't have none the difference. So how could I stay mad? - for long any way.

It's really honestly enough that he tries to cop a feel now, and then during the day. But, between the hours of ohh I don't know, any time after my kids are sleeping, and we're done making love until my kids wake up in the morning - these boobs, this butt, and everything else are completely off limits!

I don't mind a cuddle, if he'd stay still. However, moving tentacle-like things groping at me, that keep wiggling, and squirming, and squeezing certain areas, are simply not welcomed.

There, I vented. I feel much better now.

If there's any monsters in my bed tonight, I can assure you that I will be good, and ready. I intend to keep a nice, cold glass of water beside my bed - you know, in case I get "thirsty." Or maybe a sausage out of the freezer.

I wonder how that monster would feel if I returned the favor?


Mama of Romance

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