Sunday, November 30, 2008

If I'm Not Pregnant, I'm Out of My Mind

Alright Ladies, and Gentlemen, I think - I THINK that I am pregnant. After having 3 children to date, you'd think that I would just know.

And, after just recently taking 4 pregnancy tests, if I'm not pregnant, I swear that I'm losing my mind.

The symptoms:

Cravings of abnormally fatty foods that I seem willing to fight my 2 year-old for, inclination to clean like a mad woman and finish all the jobs that I've started, an enormous gut that appears to either be brought on by years of drinking beer (I hate beer) - OR a little wee baby growing inside of me, pants too tight, insatiable urge to pee, uncomfortable when trying to sleep, either really happy - OR really sad and can't stop crying, easily agitated, and the list goes on of all the little quirks that I've been feeling.

The results of my 4 pregnancy tests by the way have been a clear "-" which if you have ever taken one, you'll know means that I am NOT pregnant. Except....1 of them, it was the 3rd one that I took....there was an itty bitty, faint "" symbol behind the "-" that was almost completely indiscernible. Now I faithfully read the instructions, and they claim that even the faintest mark of a "+" means that you're pregnant, even if one of the lines is substantially fainter than the other one.

I tell you, all this anticipation, and uncertainty are driving me nuts. Really, I just want to know already.

I normally get my period tomorrow - the very first of the month, but no signs that it is coming as of yet. I realize that all these symptoms seem to be coming early - but everything seems to happen sooner as far as I'm concerned after the more kids you have.

So, here I am. Pregnant, maybe, maybe not, maybe. If only I had a field of daisies to pluck the pedals out of to buy some time. I'm twiddling my thumbs, oh my gosh you have no idea!!!

So here's the thing. In the past 2 days I have made an ENTIRE quilt to pass the time (actually to keep my mind completely off of the pregnancy subject), I've done 26 loads of laundry, changed 5 beds, vacuumed, done 7 loads of dishes, you get the point, baked 2 batches of chocolate cookies, and even made homemade pizza.

But, alas, I guess I'm brought to one conclusion - that only time will tell, and I most certainly do not want to get my hopes up.

Last thing that I wanted to say: that I feel a real urge to be honest right here, right now. I do not like mean people, at all. And, I want to say (because this is my blog, and I can say whatever I feel like) that if you are going to be mean when you comment, don't bother. You're wasting your breath, and I won't waste my time acknowledging you. I figure that mean people must be bored, or sad. I don't have the time in my life to be either, in fact I love all the people that I've met thus far blogging, and enjoy sharing my little bit of my life with the world, no matter how crazy it is sometimes. So get lost all of you mean people, and write a blog won't you! It's a great way to vent, in your own domain, literally.



Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.

Subscribe in a reader

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Pregnant Or Not

With all 3 of our other children, I can honestly say that we've never had trouble conceiving, with the labour, or the delivery. I know I am an extremely blessed woman when it comes to having children.

Now, we've been missing having sex every once, and a while for whatever reason. Mainly because I'm exhausted, and get to bed first. I'm assuming this has to do with the fact that I already have 3 small children who tire me out. We have put in the effort to have sex at different times of the day though, when I'm not so tired, but it doesn't seem to be cutting it - because there's nothing growing inside my tummy right now that I know of other than gas. That was too much information, I know, I'm sorry.

Anyhow, I know it's only been about 2 months since we've started trying, and that's nothing compared to what other women go through on their road to pregnancy, so I am not complaining.

What I was wondering however is, whether or not it's true that you can only get pregnant on about 2 days in a given month? If that's the case, I just hope that those 2 days don't land when I'm too tired, and sound asleep. I sure would like to pinpoint a time down.



Conceiving a child in my opinion shouldn't be like orchestrating a play, it shouldn't be like rocket science, however because of what lies down the road for us in about 9 months, we either have to get pregnant right now, or wait a while. I wonder if any other women, and their husbands have tried planning it down to a fine science as well? I certainly feel a little strange about doing so.



By the by, I wish that my desire to have a baby matched my desire to have sex! It's like my heart wants another little one so badly, but my brain is saying "ah well maybe not tonight." One would think that the desire to conceive would have me acting like a bunny on Viagra - but no.


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader


Monday, November 24, 2008

Dry Spells

**Weep, weep** you can hear from my husband as he walks out the door to work. Man, he has it bad. Can you believe it's been 3 full sexless days for him? He must think he's practically a virgin, or something. I am certain, that as married men, and women we all go through a "dry spell" every once, and a while when it comes to not having sex, or giving oral sex.

For us, it's been like 3 days, and already my husband is pouting, complaining, and exaggerating that it's been weeks, almost a month - and I thought I was the one who has succumbed to memory loss after having 3 little ones.

What I would like to know, and what I'm sure many women would like to know is what is the typical length of a "dry spell" in a marriage? Is it a week? A month? A year?


If everyone would share their experiences as married women, and men that have children that would be great. Perhaps myself, and many other women could give our husbands who are fathers, a reason to simmer down after only missing a night or 2! After all, sometimes there is more to life than sex - right?



Although, I know my husband would disagree.

The original version of this cartoon pic is shaking, and it's quite funny, I found it at www.cartoons4fun.com



Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Friday, November 21, 2008

Fire in My Panties

So this is how it went....


I was awake for 3 full hours in the middle of the night, my 2 year-old decided that he no matter what did not want to stay in his bed.

The only reason I kept trying to put him back to bed was because I was afraid that he might fall down the stairs since he was half-asleep.

After a long, and stressful night, I groggily woke because I had to. My 2 other little ones were wide awake at sunrise, and needed me.

I didn't manage to get everyone out of their pajamas, or myself for that matter, but we all did get some breakfast just before my husband was about to leave for work.


He wasn't quite ready to leave just yet, and he asked me, "is there anything I can do for you Sweetheart? Anything at all?" He seemed to be reluctant to go.


"YES! - if you're going to hang around for a bit, you could please look after the kids for just a half hour so I can get some rest, my head feels like it's going to explode." I plea.


"Sure!" He says.


I'm just tingling with excitement, and love for my husband. What a great guy!

"How about we go back to bed, make love, and then I'll watch the kids?" He continues.

"Well that sounds perfect minus the making love part, someone has to watch the kids." I say.


"Oh, well, I have to get going anyway." He says.


"Well, what about my nap!?" I ask, feeling totally misled, and unimportant.


"I don't actually have time." He says.


No time!?? What happened to his generous offer just seconds earlier, oh wait, I know as soon as sex was taken out of the equation, my Dear husband ran out of time. Well thanks, thanks a lot.

I spent the day in my pajamas, with a frown on my face, feeling so tired that I felt like someone had just pumbled me, and squashed my head between 2 bricks. I thought, "wait until he needs a favor from me! Sure Honey, I'll give you a great big bj, but first.....oh wait, I forgot I don't have any time!"


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Wordless Wednesday


I normally do my "Naughty Wednesday" post on Wednesdays, but after seeing this picture I couldn't resist, it was so cute.


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo
If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sex Diaries of a Mom Receives an Award!


I really want to thank the totally sweet Dee from Two of a Kind, Working on a Full House for the awesome Kreativ Blogger Award. I really appreciate it Dee. Her blog is great, please stop by Two of a Kind, Working on a Full House, and show her some comment love.



Here are the rules for this one:

1. Mention the blog that gave it to you and comment on their blog to let them know you’ve posted your award.
2. Publish these rules.
3. Share 6 values that are important to you and 6 things you do not support.
4. Grant the prize to 6 people.
5. Mention the blog that gave it to you and comment on their blog to let them know you’ve posted your award.

Six Important Values/Beliefs:

1. Live life to it's fullest
2. Love with all of your heart
3. Laugh every day
4. Keep your inner child alive
5. Treat others the way that you want to be treated, in equality
6. Reach out a helping hand to those in need

Six Values/Beliefs I do NOT support:

1. Being mean to people
2. Using profanities, or calling people names
3. Abuse of any kind
4. Materialism
5. That anyone is better than anyone else
6. Hatred of any kind

I'm passing the Kreative Blogger Award on to:

The Mom over at Riding With No Hands

You ladies all have fabulous, and kreativ blogs, please give them all a visit.

Thanks again Dee!


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Marriage Tidbits

Here are some great tidbits from some married people, mainly women that I found to be quite profound while reading the article The things no one ever tells you about being married. I found this article over at Canadian Living.

Here were my favourite tidbits:

"If he leaves his socks on the floor on your honeymoon, chances are he is going to leave his socks on the floor on your 50th wedding anniversary." - Shannon, 36, married 10 years

"My only advice is to spend quality time together doing something you both enjoy." - Andrea, 34, married 7 years

"Whether you have been married for 6 months or 60 years, always put 100 per cent into your relationship and respect each other. If you looked at marriage as if both partners had the opportunity to renew the contract every 5 years, would your spouse want to renew?" - Judy, 41, married 18 years

"Remember, you do not love yourself 100 per cent of the time so do not expect to love your spouse 100 per cent of the time either. Seventy-five to 80 per cent will do." - Helen, 59, married 35 years

"Learn the fine art of compromise." - Dave, 57 (Cathy's husband)

"If you never think I’ve had it with him/her and I’m outta here' during your marriage then I suspect you are just not human.” - Jane, 60, married 37 years

If there was one thing that I could say about marriage, it would be....


"Love your partner each day as if their being with you is a gift, and you might never see them again. Laugh every day with them. Play every day with them. Surprise them each day. Love them with all of your heart, never hold back. Before you die, be able to say 'I lived, and I loved' and never have regrets." - Mama of Romance


What would you say? Comment below, and share your words of wisdom on the subject of marriage.


Here's a funny video clip of a ventriloquist on the subject of marriage, there is some foul language, but it is so funny!



Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Me and My Man

Over the past few weeks, I've felt closer than ever to my husband, as both a friend, husband, co-parent, and even sexually.



Why this closeness?



I'm not 100% certain, but think it has something to do with how riding all of the bumps in marriage can have you feeling closer than ever.

I've finally gotten rid of this cold that has been plaguing my family for it seems nearly a month, and feel great.

I'm so glad that everyone visiting Sex Diaries of a Mom was kind to my nervous hubbie who had the courage to write a post. I hope that you all enjoyed it, I laughed so hard as I helped him post it - asking "are you sure you want to write that!?" I cannot believe that he was gusty enough to use the word "dinky." He's a very comical guy. It's all in good fun.

In future, albeit the silly, and sometimes immature words that come from my husbands mouth, and alas your requests, I think he'll post again.


The day that he posted, we left for a little trip, and he was so nervous that you all might be upset, or annoyed, or thought what he wrote wasn't good that the second we got home, he booted up the computer, and checked the comments.

So thanks for being kind to him, he's the type of guy that doesn't talk a lot, especially to other women!

Anyhow, I'm off to hang out with the family today. Look forward to a fun, and productive week. Looks like I'll be blogging away here, there, and every where so stay tuned.



Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Words from Mr. Romance

Some things that you might want to know about me, Mr. Romance (the name my wife, not me chose. You can call me whatever you want, but don't call me late for having sex.)…

Oh, and before I get started - I'm supposed to say if anyone is squeamish about sex, please come back again another time.

I like boobies, and I like pussy cats. These are some of the many things that I like about sex. I just like having sex because it feels good on my dinky. One thing that I really miss aside from the occasional frequent lack of sex, is nursing from my wife’s breasts, which is something that she won’t let me do anymore. I like nipples, and having them in my mouth. One of my favourite activities is giving my wife oral sex, but it’s nice to do so when she keeps herself neat (no clitty litter.) I also like admiring my wife when’s she’s naked.

About my sex life…

Sex life, hmmmm, I wish that I had one, that I could have sex right now, but instead I‘m writing this post for my pretty wife. I like what it says in a picture on her blog that “bad sex is better than a good day at work.” I’d take sex over work, or anything any day. Unfortunately, I have sex about an eighth as much as I would like to now that I’m married, and have 3 kids. But, I like having little mini versions of myself running around so it‘s all good. I feel that everybody should have 5 orgasms per day. It’s true. That’s how I feel.

Inner Desire…

Part of me wishes that I could be a porn star, I uh wouldn’t want to lose my dignity though. And, I wouldn’t want to make my wife sad. If I was a porn star I could only have sex with my wife. So, I settle for a home made movie now and again - hopefully again.

When asked “If you could tell all the Moms out there one thing, what would it be?” I say - give blow jobs, and give them often. Don’t be afraid to be on top sometimes.

When asked “How do you keep the romance alive?” I say - talk dirty, don’t keep your hands to yourself, and flashing.

When asked “How do you cope with the sometimes lack of sex?” I say - Well, I uh, use my energy on other things like work, playing with the kids, or working on the house. But, when I’m distracted by my wife, whom I’m very attracted to, I find it difficult to not want to have sex.

And, I really want to know when my wife is going to host a wet t-shirt contest on her blog, I’ll take the pictures. (Of my wife, of course.) No offense intended with this picture, I just think it's funny, and it's not my wife by the way.

Hooray for boobies!

Can I have sex now?

Mr. Romance

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Who Wants to Hear From Mr. Romance?

My husband and I have talked on a few occassions about him doing a GUEST post about how a Dad of 3 busy little kids feels about his sometimes non-existant great sex life. I'd like to know from you whether or not you'd like a little inside look at the thoughts, and opinions of Mr. Romance.

Plus, it will give me more time to take it easy, and get better (yah right!) Can you believe that I'm sick again! I swear everytime one of us gets sick in the household, then it passes on to the next person whether they've already had it or not.

My hubbie was just asking me actually - "Why are you always sick?" He said this with a pout on his face, thinking "Man, if she's sick, that means no nookie for me!"

Anyhow, I just shrugged him off, I can hardly speak so I have been rather silent the last week or so. Later on, I was carrying my 1 year-old downstairs, and I was talking to him all cutesy-baby like, because I love him, and he's so cute. And, do you know what he did? He sneezed directly into my wide-open mouth!
It was a big, wet, slimy, lumpy sneeze, just to give a really great mental picture here.

And, absolutely discusting. I could actually taste boogers.

My husband wonders why I get sick....hahaha. I wonder.

So, let me know if you'd like to hear from the Great, the one, the only, Super Dad of 3, Mr. Romance! If he posts, it will be this Wednesday - so be sure to check back for his post.


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Sexy Tip #10 For Moms

Use what you've got.

Let's face it, not many of us Moms have tons of money to throw around. These days some of us hardly have enough to pay the bills, and put food on the table with the way things have been going with the economy.

SO...use what you've got.

Sexy doesn't have to mean spending all kinds of money on fancy lingerie that you'll only wear once, it can be as simply as throwing on a T-shirt or apron on, and a pair of heels, and "sweeping" the kitchen floor. Add bending over discretely infront of your partner, and a quick grazing of your fingers up his arm to his lips, and you have created sparks of romance.

You might be surprised at how for some men, it takes very little to turn them on. And...for others, well maybe you need to use your imagination, but not your walet.


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Friday, November 7, 2008

A Delightful Morning

There are so many nights where I can remember that I feel just way too tired to have sex. The night before last was one of them.

Fewf - I survived the day, I thought, as my head crashed onto my pillow, and I fell asleep.

My husband had not ventured to bed yet, he was busy fixing something, and when he finally got to bed I was long gone to Lala Land. Not even his best attempts at undressing, or dry humping could have woke me up that night.

I woke up, and he was gone to work.

Looking out the window, I actually felt sad.

When I got downstairs, I see that he left a little note:


Morning Darling,
You are so beautiful, and I love you so much. I hope that you had a good sleep.
XOXOX


Not having kissed him goodnight, or woke up with him, I wished I could just kiss him at that moment.

I raced to the phone thinking that maybe I could catch him. I got a hold of him.

Me: "Hi honey, I love you."
Hubbie: "Love you too."
Me: "What are you doing?"
Hubbie: "Going to work."
Me: "Want to come home maybe?"
Hubbie: "Why do you want me to come home?"
Me: "Oh I don't know......you know."
Hubbie: "Seriously?! I'll be right there."

The kids watched a movie downstairs, luckily the baby had not yet woken up, and we had a quick, but romantic morning together. It was utterly delightful.

Let's just hope he doesn't expect it all of the time! But, I do have to say, I think I prefer morning sex to the so-tired-I-can-barely-move-night-sex that my husband, and I have become accustomed to.


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Sex Diaries of a Mom Receives An Award!


I would like to thank the lovely Dee of Two of a Kind, Working on a Full House for bestowing the awesome Uber Amazing Blog Award of Sex Diaries of a Mom - was that ever a mouthful!

Thank you Dee!!! Please visit Dee's awesome blog.


I'm going to pass this award on to some fellow bloggers that I think are Uberific, Uberliscious, Ubersasional - what a great word, "uber" is.

So the Uber Amazing Blog Award (in no particular order) goes to......dah dah dah dddaaaah.....

1. Sandi of Lucky Thirteen plus one

2. Allison of Mommy to 2 Princesses

3. Lapa37 of Life in The Lapadula House

4. Rhonda of A Day In Rhonda's Life

5. Heinous of Irregular Periodic Ruminations

*start copy here*

Uber (synonym to Super) Amazing Blog Award is a blog award given to sites who: inspires you, makes you smile and laugh, or maybe gives amazing information, a great read, has an amazing design, and any other reasons you can think of that makes them uber amazing!

The rules of this award are: Put the logo on your blog or post, nominate at least 5 blogs (can be more) that for you are Uber Amazing, let them know that they have received this Uber Amazing award by commenting on their blog, share the love and link to this post and to the person you received your award from.

*end copy here*


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Naughty Wednesday

This guy is funny. He reminds me a little bit of a younger Nicholas Cage, or that other funny guy that snorts a lot. Anyhow, he's a little naughty, so without anything further ado....here's the comedian Mitch Fatel!






Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

*R-Rated Post* On Oral

Any squeamish Moms out there, or underage people, please leave this blog now - come back tomorrow when I've posted something a little less racy. I won't be showing any r-rated pictures, but will be grazing on a subject that might have some people feeling uncomfortable, or offended. So if you don't think you can handle it, or you shouldn't be reading this, then see you later.


_________________________


It's a subject that I'm almost certain many of us Moms just don't talk about. For one, many of us don't have people in our lives to talk to about it, and for another, sometimes even if we did, we don't get the chance with our kids around nearly all of the time.

You know, to talk about whatever pops up.

Well, I can remember the very first time that I ever gave a man oral. It was traumatic for me, and so briefly, for you to understand, here's how it went:

I was kissing a boyfriend at the time, and not at all ready for this kind of thing, as he said "I want you to lick my c#&k."

Well, being the shy, sweet little young woman that doesn't swear, that blunt, slightly rude question made me gasp, blush, something curdled in my stomach, and the entire thought of doing that just grossed me out.

Between then, and now I went years with braces on my teeth - anyone who has had them knows that they can cause quite the problem when delving in the field of oral sex. Yikes.

Anyhoo, now that I'm without those mental metal obstructions, am married to a man that I truly love, and know that oral sex is something that is so crucial exciting for him, I want to try my best to please.

But, to be honest - part of me is still a little squeamish. Man do I feel like a baby.

Another part of me is exhausted even by the image of my head bobbing up and down at the end of the day. My head generally only wants to make 1 final motion when the day is through - and that my friend is falling straight back to hit the lovely, cushiony pillow on my bed.

How often should a woman (a Mom) give her partner oral sex?

I hardly have time to floss my teeth, to sit down to eat, to remember to wear deodorant. So how often should I be stroking the Ol' Enchilada with my tonsils, I mean mouth?

And, does anyone ever have trouble doing it!?


Please, if you are going to comment - keep your comments clean. Thank you!



Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Monday, November 3, 2008

Reality Bites

Literally, after months of complaining bragging about my over-worked wonderful, handsome husband, my son nailed our living situation right on the head.

And, he is only 2 years-old.

Daddy came home late again, and instead of saying "Daddy, Daddy!!!! Hi Daddy!" like he used to, he walked up to my husband with a sour face, and said "You are NOT HERE Daddy."

My husband looked puzzled, and asked "What do you mean I'm not here?"

My threatening-to-bite 2 year-old repeated "You are NOT HERE. Nope. You are not. You are NOT here!" He was starting to sound angry.

His father now looking even more puzzled, and I just shrugged my shoulders, and said "Sweetie, Daddy's here. I know he wasn't here with us earlier at Grandma, and Grandpa's house, but he's here now so please be nice to him, and say hello!"

My little man gave another sour look, and walked away.

Could it be that my feelings toward my husband when he's not around, albeit I keep my thoughts to myself are having an impact on my kids - sure they are.

But, it also doesn't help that we had just been at the in-laws, and everyone kept saying over and over again "Where on earth is he?" about my husband.


Kids pick up on EVERYTHING!

Things are getting better. I love my husband very much, and know that like a person's character gains strength through experiencing ups and downs, so does the character of our marriage.

Thanks little man for giving Daddy another much needed reality check.


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.
Subscribe in a reader

Sunday, November 2, 2008

A Quarter of a Century

I just turned a quarter of a century, can you believe it? And although no other Birthday has ever had me really feeling differently about my life, this one seems to have created a huge impact.


I just turned a quarter of a century...it keeps repeating itself inside my head, as does the long list of things that I want to do, and of who I want to be when I "grow up."


Well, here I sit, in my pj's, pondering my life, my 3 little men running, and crawling all around me. I'm not sure if it's the fact that it feels like 2 seconds ago I was 20, and in a blink 5 years have passed, and - okay, what happened to ME?


The dawn of my Birthday, I made a few decisions.



After a night full of tears, barely no sleep, and having spend it alone for the first time in my entire marriage in a different bed, in a different room, crying. I got up, and I felt different.



My husband has been making work his first priority since mid summer, and after months of fighting, and what I thought had been the worst of it behind us, I went to bed the night before my 25th Birthday with my husband calling me a "bossy," "nagging" wife who should have dinner at least in the microwave ready for him when he gets home late, again, and strive to please not only his stomach, but his insatiable desire to have sex daily, all without having my 1 true need answered - his presence.


I suppose he simply cannot understand why after he works so hard to provide for his family, why I should have any complaints.


Everything for me came crashing down.


Looking in the mirror at who I had become, and what I had allowed my life to be, I was silently making grave, near catastrophic decisions.

Would I stay married to the man of my dreams for as long as we both shall live? Would I allow my husband to make me feel guilty for not being the bread winner of the family, and yet not being a door mat, and making demands for myself and my family? Would I continue to be the cause of his misery because his hopes have sourly been disappointed at the lack of sex in our marriage, in his opinion? Should I continue to feel alone, with no support, miserable, that I had been deceived in having a partner in marriage, in raising kids only to find out that I'm on my own?

Would I continue to life a lonely existence, without the support of a husband, and father that was promised to me?


I thought about my dreams too.


Of being a writer, an illustrator, an artist. I wasn't going to go another day in this life without working towards these goals, never again. I've always put what I want last.


Before I was married my mother said this to me: "Don't get married. Not now. It's not the right time. You're young, you have to finish school. You'll wind up barefoot and pregnant, and he'll want to be the boss - because he'll be the one supporting you. Get your life straightened out first, get finished with school, make something of yourself, and you be his equal. He grew up with old-fashioned parents, he won't ever be able to see you as an equal unless you put yourself first."


With these words haunting me as I look in the mirror, crying because I feel like my mom had been exactly right. With her no longer here to help console me, to listen to me, or to guide me, I feel terrible alone, and for once I feel silenced.


I think my husband knew it on the day of my Birthday, he saw it in my eyes that it was as though I had died a little - or given up.

I believe that all marriages have their reasons for discord. Ours was sex, and money. While we both have different needs, and expectations, I feel like we have come to a point whether we need to decide whether we go one unhappily, happily, or not at all.


But, I also believe that a person can only go on so long while being ignored.

For my Birthday he had agreed not to buy me anything upon my request, all that I asked for was a little of his time - specifically to help finish a room in our some what neglected house.


He was about to leave for work, and asked if he should go ahead and get the required materials on his way home for the job, and I said that I didn't care.


He could have just let it be, and went about his way. But he didn't, he came home with the supplies anyway, and finished the room completely.

Afterward, he turned to me, and held me, and it was as though I had my old husband back. He asked what was wrong, and for once he really listened.

I told him how I felt, that I didn't want to go another 5 years with him being miserable that he doesn't get enough sex, me being the cause of his misery. I didn't want to be miserable because my kids, and myself don't get to spend enough time with him. I wanted to choose happiness. I asked - what he wanted to choose. Again, I told him my one and only request - that he just be home a little earlier, for dinner, and to help put the kids to bed, every day. That's it.


He choose happiness, too, albeit it's imperfection.

We went out that evening, it had been the first time we'd gone out in a month or so. It was much needed.

I spent a lot of time talking to an older neighbor that had been there as well, and this is what she had to say about marriage:


"Marriage is never perfect. Couples always have their differences, their problems. It's when one person believes that the grass might be greener on the other side, that they aren't satisfied that they are sorely mistaken, because the grass on the other side has it's pitfalls too. It's important to play together, the family that plays together, stays together. Make time for just the two of you, and make your expectations clear."

I repeated all of this to him, and I think we both needed the night out together, and to hear these words. Marriage certainly has it's ups, and downs, and they all certainly make us stronger.




Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

If you like Sex Diaries of a Mom, subscribe to this Sexiness.