Fire in My Panties

So this is how it went....


I was awake for 3 full hours in the middle of the night, my 2 year-old decided that he no matter what did not want to stay in his bed.

The only reason I kept trying to put him back to bed was because I was afraid that he might fall down the stairs since he was half-asleep.

After a long, and stressful night, I groggily woke because I had to. My 2 other little ones were wide awake at sunrise, and needed me.

I didn't manage to get everyone out of their pajamas, or myself for that matter, but we all did get some breakfast just before my husband was about to leave for work.


He wasn't quite ready to leave just yet, and he asked me, "is there anything I can do for you Sweetheart? Anything at all?" He seemed to be reluctant to go.


"YES! - if you're going to hang around for a bit, you could please look after the kids for just a half hour so I can get some rest, my head feels like it's going to explode." I plea.


"Sure!" He says.


I'm just tingling with excitement, and love for my husband. What a great guy!

"How about we go back to bed, make love, and then I'll watch the kids?" He continues.

"Well that sounds perfect minus the making love part, someone has to watch the kids." I say.


"Oh, well, I have to get going anyway." He says.


"Well, what about my nap!?" I ask, feeling totally misled, and unimportant.


"I don't actually have time." He says.


No time!?? What happened to his generous offer just seconds earlier, oh wait, I know as soon as sex was taken out of the equation, my Dear husband ran out of time. Well thanks, thanks a lot.

I spent the day in my pajamas, with a frown on my face, feeling so tired that I felt like someone had just pumbled me, and squashed my head between 2 bricks. I thought, "wait until he needs a favor from me! Sure Honey, I'll give you a great big bj, but first.....oh wait, I forgot I don't have any time!"


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

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What Part of “Now” Don’t You Understand?

It’s been a long , long day.

Okay, that’s putting it mildly. We’re now going on day 5 without taking naps in my household, and I am about to lose my mind.

My 4 and 2 year-old absolutely refused to take a nap, again today.

The result - the following phrases have begun to lose their meaning:

Go to sleep.
Stop doing that.
Get back into bed.
Please be quiet, everyone’s trying to sleep.

Any Mom knows what the repercusions are for a child who is still little when they don’t sleep.

I’ve listened to endless whining, crying, fighting, and general misbehaving for the past week.

Because of the lack of sleep, my children are acting completely out of character, and are reeking havoc in the household.

Mommy…is about to lose it!

So, as you can imagine, when my husband walks through the door, I am so ready to hand over the kids, and say “Take them, they are all yours, I need to have some peace!”

Unfortunately I can’t do that. It’s a busy season for my husband, and he’s working long hours, and sometimes into the night.

But tonight, brings me to the end of my rope.

I thought about it all day, worked everything out in my head as to how I would have to remedy the no nap situation that is the underlying reason that I am feeling so stressed.

I have decided that my 2, and 4 year-old can absolutely no longer share a room, and we need to put a door on my 2 year-olds room so that I can close it at nap time to avoid all the distractions of what lies outside his room; like toys, and trouble.

The moment my husband walked through the door this evening, I explained what was happening, and how I felt. I explained that I really needed him. I needed him to stop what he was doing, and help me by finally hanging the door on our son’s room, and moving a bed into another room so that we can separate the pair of them.

I said, and these are my exact words: “Honey, I love you. I know you are really busy. But - I need you. I am about to lose it. The kids are not listening to me, and they can no longer stay in the same room. They have been jumping on the beds, tearing thins apart, and reeking havoc all over the house while they are supposed to be sleeping. And, because they don’t sleep they are miserable for the rest of the day. I need you to hang a door, and help move a bed. I’m going to bath the kids now, and get them ready for bed while you hang the door.”

My husband says, “yeah, sure.”

I start to run the bath. He is sitting in the office, on the phone. I kindly walk over to him.

“Honey, I need you to hang that door - NOW. The boys are almost ready to get into bed.”

He says, as he covers up the receiver of the phone, “Yeah, okay, I’ll do it.”

He continues to sit there, listening to someone else. Can he not hear me? Does he not get it? The kids are falling over tired, and need to go to sleep, and the sleeping arragements aren't working!

I have the kids ready for bed. It’s bedtime, and he still hasn’t got started doing the job that I asked him to do.

I am trying not to freak right out.

“Honey, when I said NOW, I meant, like right NOW. Could you please do it.”

He starts to get upset with me. “I said I would already.” As he rolls his eyes.

Oh no, he did not just do that. That is it.

So I put the kids to bed, as usual. And, I am trying not to absolutely lose it. From the outside in, I think I’m handling it all very well, reminding myself just to breath, and think about how this will pass.

But, you know. Tonight, I know that my husband is going to ask me something.

A question that I dispise being asked on a good day. I must point out that I normally am not the kind of person who believes in keeping score, but - I am also not the kind of person that likes to feel taken advantage of.

I know that he’s going to ask “Honey, are we going to have sex tonight?”

And, do you know what I'm want to say?

“What? Now?” As I roll over, cloe my eyes, and mumble, “oh yah, sure,” and go to sleep.

Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

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Just Like Fishing In The Dark

There is nothing like bait, worms, and slimy fish to make a Gal feel frisky.

Tehee.

Sometimes having sex in the dark is no different.

It's hard enough as a Mom to feel like you're really in the mood to want to have sex, let alone trying to set the mood in your dark room as you're both trying to be quiet, and not wake up the kids.

Not too long ago, it was a rather rare occasion that my husband, and I were both feeling kind of "in to it." Well, normally it's just him - yah I'll admit it....it's more often just him.

And when all appeared to be going smoothly - hook, line, and sinker, things took a turn for the worse.

I was the stinking fish, and I wasn't going to be reeled in, not this time.

As he fumbled with his lips, and started to kiss my nose, my eye, yanking on my hair, squishing me, head butting me, too much slobber - wait a minute, I've got this all wrong.

Come to think of it...he was the slimy fish. Yah, as I recall it was exactly what sleeping with a slippery, slimy, flopsy fish would feel like.

And then, the moment is lost entirely as he poorly judges which way to point his fishing pole, casting it too far down the river....ehhhum, if you know what I mean.

Well, that was the end of that. No more fishing for you Mr. Pokey.

Got to give the man some credit though, he can be tired too, but why not just admit it? Why not just go to sleep? Why half-attempt to do something that's only going to be awkward, unromantic, and well sloppy?

I guess men just can't give in sometimes...they don't want to be defeated.

By the way, not long after this attempt to reel in the big one...hubbie could be seen drooling like a sleepy puppy, no more fish.

Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

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2 In The Bed And The Little One Said, Roll Over

Moms can all certainly attest to trying to be intimate with their partner, and just as things are finally getting steamy, being interrupted by a little person who on cue comes into the room.

I can remember laying in bed kissing, when all of a sudden right behind my head, I heard:

"Mommy, I had a bed dream."

I almost peed the bed, and bit off my husband's lip.

What's worse though, is when the kids come into our room, walk right up to the bed, and stand there quietly.

Call me crazy, but I have visions of the Chucky movie in my head - I think it has something to do with the height of my kids, and seeing their silhouette in the dark...man I am such a scaredy cat.

My husband, was probably thinking, "Go play with the scary monster in your bedroom that you dreamt about, cause Mom and I are busy."

But, when my kids have a bad dream, I like to cuddle with them for a few minutes, say goodnight, and tuck them back into their own beds.

With 3 kids, between baby crying, 2 year-old wandering around the house aimlessly, and 4 year-old's bad dreams, sometimes being intimate is next to impossible.

What's more, is how it makes a Mom feel.

I know that when I'm laying in bed with my husband, I'm often peering over his shoulder out into the hallway, waiting for someone to appear. In the back of my mind, all I can think of is, "Are we going to have a 2 or 3-foot tall audience tonight, should I prepare myself for being startled?"

My husband will sometimes turn to me, and ask "What are you thinking about?" Or, "Why are you not into this?"

He doesn't understand that I don't want to scar my children by having them catch us having sex. And, that wondering if I'm going to be caught off guard by a mini human being is enough to have a Mom feeling tense.

I don't like the thought of having spectators, especially my children. It has me cringing, and feeling like I ought to do whatever I can to prevent it from happening.

So what do you do?

You certainly can't predict how kids are going to act. I get no warning most of the time when my kids come into our room because they creep so quietly around - in fact, sometimes I wonder how they can navigate so quietly around in the pitch dark.

I also don't like to close the door because, then I really can't hear them, and worry that they might try to get open the gate at the top of our stairs, and fall down.

Our solution...

Either we make love downstairs, where we can hear the pitter patter of little feet walking around, or we leave our door open with the lights turned off.

I prefer the first, because then at least I can hear them coming before I see them.

But, my guard will never be down, and I'm not ready to have the "birds and the bees" talk with my 4 year-old just yet.

So until our kids know that they have to knock before coming into our room, and I can finally feel comfortable shutting our door, hubbie is going to have to accept that I'm not going to be playing the role of Passionate, Sex Goddess Woman, but rather Mom who can still be sexy, and yes does have her mind on a few other things at the same time.

Better than a blow up doll anyway, right?


Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

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Better Than a Blow-Up Doll

Over the weekend, we went hiking, hiking, and hiking.

Boy, was it exhausting.

I had my 10 month-old on my back, and at times carried my 2 year-old, while my husband carried our 4 year-old that got stung by a bee, and all of our gear.

We had a great time, and spent some much needed family time together, but when we got home I could hardly move.

I was pooped.

My husband always asks, "you pooped?"

And, I say, "No Dear, I didn't poop. I am pooped. As in, I'm tired."

Like I'm the only one who's ever heard this expression before.

Anyway, after our hiking trip, I was exhausted. We put the kids to bed, and I barely got into bed myself.

The moment my body hit the bed, I could no longer move, and hardly speak. My body felt like it weighed a million pounds. I was that tired.

As a Mom, there's lots of reasons to get this tired.

Whether it's staying up all night with the kids, being sick yourself, being up with sick kids, getting hurt, or just doing everything that you always have to do as a Mom, sometimes at the end of the day you feel like you can no longer function.

Well, that was me.

Some where is my cloudy, sleepy head I wished that my husband would just kiss my forehead, cover me up with a blanket, and let me sleep.

My husband however, was bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed, and I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't going to stop bothering me until we had sex. He would toss, and turn all night long, unable to sleep, and keep me awake if he didn't do something about his er - something.

I would settle for getting the sex over with so I could sleep.

I don't mean that he did this in a bully-fashion, more like an excitable dog humping your leg kind of fashion. The other would NOT be acceptable under any circumstances.

He was such a great husband, and father all weekend, he just is - if I could move, or anything I would want to express my love for him.

Instead, I just slurred, "I'm sorry Dear, I can't move, love you though."

He never heard the magic word "NO, so he said, "does that mean we can have sex then?"

If he were a dog, he would be salivating, and panting at the thought that there was a tiny chance he was going to get some meat.

"Whatever." Was all that I could muster, just about to fall asleep.

So he went ahead, and I said to him again that I was sorry that I could do nothing, but lay there.

And, do you know what he said!?

"Well, at least you're better than a blow-up doll."

I think that he must have been thinking out loud during that moment, but man did I wake up the instant that I heard those words!

He's never used a blow-up doll, nor does he have one, and I felt bad until that instant - what a thing to say!

Talk about all romance going out the window...sometimes, okay - always I wish that he would keep these kinds of thoughts to himself.

Whatever happened to romance, etiquette, chilvary, being a gentleman, and all those other qualities from the good Ol' days?

I guess they disappeared along with writing letters to people, spending Sunday's visiting people, going to dances, and all that other good stuff from way back when.

Sincerely,

Mama of Romance
xoxo

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Ever Slept With a Monster?

I despise waking up already in a bad mood. I'm an extremely positive person, and so I like to shake off any "grumpiness" a.s.a.p. if there is any.


But, this morning....was a little harder than normal not to want to stomp around my house like a grump myself.

I slept with a monster last night.


You see, the monster made outrageously loud groaning noises, and covered my pillow with an oozy substance, no not what you're thinking...

It's tentacles wouldn't stop reaching over to grab at me, coming from all different directions; touching my breasts, and poking me up the bum.


I'm assuming it was a "He" because it reminded me exactly of my husband.


That perverse monster had some nerve!


I was half asleep, and thinking to myself "what ever that is, it better stop - I'm going to freak!"


And, then at 3 am, finally having had enough, I woke up completely.


I sat up in bed, and turned toward the monster that I was ready to pumble, and it was my husband. Surprise, surprise, looking like a drooly puppy.


Needless to say, this morning I was perturbed with him for having disrupted my sleep all night. I like to save that for my 3 kids that normally wake me up. If I wanted a 4th member of our family to wake me up, I would have another baby.


How kind of Hubbie to think that I needed another person to assist in making sure that Mommy never gets any sleep, ever, how kind.

The funny thing is, this monster has amnesia. He didn't remember a thing! He could have been seeping in his smelly cave, where he belongs, and wouldn't have none the difference. So how could I stay mad? - for long any way.


It's really honestly enough that he tries to cop a feel now, and then during the day. But, between the hours of ohh I don't know, any time after my kids are sleeping, and we're done making love until my kids wake up in the morning - these boobs, this butt, and everything else are completely off limits!


I don't mind a cuddle, if he'd stay still. However, moving tentacle-like things groping at me, that keep wiggling, and squirming, and squeezing certain areas, are simply not welcomed.


There, I vented. I feel much better now.


If there's any monsters in my bed tonight, I can assure you that I will be good, and ready. I intend to keep a nice, cold glass of water beside my bed - you know, in case I get "thirsty." Or maybe a sausage out of the freezer.

I wonder how that monster would feel if I returned the favor?



Sincerely,


Mama of Romance
xoxo

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