Ever Slept With a Monster?

I despise waking up already in a bad mood. I'm an extremely positive person, and so I like to shake off any "grumpiness" a.s.a.p. if there is any.


But, this morning....was a little harder than normal not to want to stomp around my house like a grump myself.

I slept with a monster last night.


You see, the monster made outrageously loud groaning noises, and covered my pillow with an oozy substance, no not what you're thinking...

It's tentacles wouldn't stop reaching over to grab at me, coming from all different directions; touching my breasts, and poking me up the bum.


I'm assuming it was a "He" because it reminded me exactly of my husband.


That perverse monster had some nerve!


I was half asleep, and thinking to myself "what ever that is, it better stop - I'm going to freak!"


And, then at 3 am, finally having had enough, I woke up completely.


I sat up in bed, and turned toward the monster that I was ready to pumble, and it was my husband. Surprise, surprise, looking like a drooly puppy.


Needless to say, this morning I was perturbed with him for having disrupted my sleep all night. I like to save that for my 3 kids that normally wake me up. If I wanted a 4th member of our family to wake me up, I would have another baby.


How kind of Hubbie to think that I needed another person to assist in making sure that Mommy never gets any sleep, ever, how kind.

The funny thing is, this monster has amnesia. He didn't remember a thing! He could have been seeping in his smelly cave, where he belongs, and wouldn't have none the difference. So how could I stay mad? - for long any way.


It's really honestly enough that he tries to cop a feel now, and then during the day. But, between the hours of ohh I don't know, any time after my kids are sleeping, and we're done making love until my kids wake up in the morning - these boobs, this butt, and everything else are completely off limits!


I don't mind a cuddle, if he'd stay still. However, moving tentacle-like things groping at me, that keep wiggling, and squirming, and squeezing certain areas, are simply not welcomed.


There, I vented. I feel much better now.


If there's any monsters in my bed tonight, I can assure you that I will be good, and ready. I intend to keep a nice, cold glass of water beside my bed - you know, in case I get "thirsty." Or maybe a sausage out of the freezer.

I wonder how that monster would feel if I returned the favor?



Sincerely,


Mama of Romance
xoxo

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You Wouldn't Understand, Your Nipples Are Just Ornaments

When I was pregnant, my breasts, and nipples become very tender. Now, some women at that point apparently enjoy their partners touching them, but some, including myself found it to be completely intolerable.

After baby came, I nursed, and I protected my breasts, because in my mind, my breast milk was like LIQUID GOLD for my baby.

Other than that, I don't know why exactly I protected my breasts. I did so completely automatically, by instinct, and couldn't stop myself from protecting them like they were central to my baby's survival.

I know that if for WHATEVER reason my husband thought that he might cop-a-feel, or even look at my breasts side-ways, that I was prepared for a battle in which he would wind up with the purple nipples, and not me.

Afterall, his nipples are just ornaments. Why do men have nipples anyway?

Looking back, I can only imagine how scary I must have looked as I growled, and grimaced at him, signaling him to back off, like one of those scary women on a horror flick.

Let's just say that for the first several months, baby became the sole share holder of "Breast Enterprises."

I felt I had due cause to be so protective though. Afterall, it had been extremely difficult to nurse at first. Latching on was a really big challenge. After weeks of bleeding nipples, and excruciating pain, I was almost on the verge of giving up.

I never knew that I would have blisters on my breasts, never in my life.

Thank goodness for that yellow goo!

Just to reassure other new Moms out there, nursing did get better, and with all of my other children, breast-feeding became a walk in the park.

I am so thankful though that I was able to nurse, and I have no regrets.

It was more than four months before my baby was completely established at latching on correctly, nursed properly, and that for me nursing began to feel natural at all.

Once I finally became a little more relaxed about everything: motherhood, nursing, and getting back into the routine of having a love life, I was considering allowing my husband access to two of his favorite play toys again.

That notion was forgotten completely however after he groped my breasts just too much, and kept bugging me to drink my breastmilk.

No more breasts for you.

Now, I'm not sure if I am the only woman out there who has found herself in this situation, but l just couldn't hack being poked, and proded so much.

I mean, come on! Baby just nursed, and nursed, and nursed, and now you, a grown man wants to pull, and play with these breast too!? I think not.

Truth be told, I was even a little disgusted at the thought of my husband drinking my breastmilk, and I wasn't willing to share. Although admitedly, I allowed him to a time or two hoping that he would find it gross, and not want any more.

I was wrong.

Enough booby talk. Three kids later, and I'm still sensitive about this area of my body, and reluctant to give my husband full access.

I feel bad for him at times, and I do try to remind myself how much he enjoys them, but it's going to happen gradually I think.

That leaves me with a final question:

Are you protective of your breasts? I am.

Sincerely,

Mama of Romance

xoxo