Friday, September 19, 2008

Somethings Are Better Left Unsaid

Ever get into a slightly heated conversation, and wish you hadn't said what you were thinking?

I'm certain that after last night, my husband is wishing that he had of kept his thoughts to himself. And, maybe I do too.

We were sitting at the dinner table, eating a late dinner, because my hubbie was late again getting home.

His job is very demanding right now, and now is the busiest time of the year for him. So for the past few months I have felt like a single parent, except almost worse because I've had to do things for my husband as well as picking up whatever slack he can't handle.

My kids miss their father, and I miss having to share the responsibility of raising 3 little children with someone other than my worn out self.

I made a beautiful supper. Homemade lasagna. Even blueberry pie.

The house was clean, and I was pooped after having worked my butt off all day.

He was telling me about his day, and how things would soon slow down.

As he said that my eyes lit up, an enormous smile spread across my face, and I looked up at him as he continued to eat his dinner. I might as well have been a little puppy excitedly wagging my tail in anticipation of a bone.

I thought to myself " it's going to be his turn to look after the kids more."

Thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to say "Honey, that's great, because you owe me big time, and you can start helping out more with the kids."

I didn't mean that I wasn't grateful for all the hard work that he's been doing, or that I wasn't ecstatic that all the bills are finally getting paid. I just meant that perhaps he could carry some of the weight when it comes to looking after the kids like he would normally be doing anyway, so that I could finally have a break!

Well, it happened immediately.

He rolled his eyes, and huffed - "yah - I owe YOU."

The bulls of fury have been released, as I'm ready to reach over the table, and grab him by the shirt collar, and scream "YES!!! You do owe me. I've looked after the kids day, and night, and day and night with absolutely NO help for weeks upon weeks!! When was the last time YOU changed a poopy diaper!? Huh? Or, cleaned up puke. Or picked up toys. Or read a story even!? Are you out of your mind!? You need to be their FATHER again!!"

I calmly sit. My eyes starting to give that womanly look - you know the one, when you just know that the woman is extremely mad, so mad that you're scared because you just aren't sure what you can expect she might do next.

I figure, maybe he's misunderstood, I will clarify my words for him....

Ehhhum, "Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that you owe me anything, I just meant that it would be nice to have you helping with the kids a little more again, you know, so I can have a bit of a break."

That sounded better.

He still looks annoyed, sitting their without speaking. He is mad at me, I know it. I'm starting to get annoyed. He obviously doesn't get it.

What right does he have to roll his eyes at me anyway? And, that tone, I don't deserve that! I just slaved away all day, for weeks to make everything nice for our family, you'd think he could at least have the decency to speak nicely to me. I'm the mother of his children, the one who keeps everything in order, who makes sure that everything goes as it should. I haven't been mean to him at all. In fact I was in the best of moods until I had to hear him speak!

"What is wrong? Why are you so grumpy?" I said.

And then it was over. The candidacy was finished.

"Well, you're just such a snob." He said.

WHAT!? I'm a SNOB!?

Okay, that's news to me. That hurt. He has gone completely bonkers. I'm now at my end - with him.

I sat in silence for the rest of dinner, other than to talk nicely to my kids, clean things up, bath them, and put them to bed. AGAIN, all by myself.

He went back to work, more.

As we got into bed later that evening. He acted like NOTHING was wrong.

And, again, the same old, same old question arose "can we have sex tonight?"

I looked at him like he was out of his mind, like he was the most daft person on the planet, and said - "No."

I continued typing on my laptop.

"Why not?" He asked.

I contemplated not blogging about this next part, but hey, what the heck.

"No." I repeat.

"Alright, fine then. I'll give you 1000 dollars if you give me a blow-job." He mockingly said.

I cannot believe that he would treat me like a prostitute. Talk about rubbing in the fact that we actually have a little money right now, because I never see him, and he's working so hard. Oh, the nerve.

"No." I repeat. I wonder how many times I have to say the word "no," until he gets it?

"Ah, come on, please." He says, now looking like a little puppy with those big puppy eyes.

Was he not home for dinner? Did he miss something. I do not have the patience to deal with this. And, against my normally better judgement I spoke the words of the age-old woman which I vowed never to use.

"If you don't know, I am NOT going to tell you. Goodnight."

This morning to my glee, he treated me like a Queen. He better. I didn't decide to have 3 kids all by myself, nor did I decide to have to help him out so much without at least being treated with the respect that we both deserve.

Somethings, are ABSOLUTELY better left unsaid. He knows that now, so do I. And, rolling your eyes at someone is not a good plan of action- because that in itself speaks a thousand words, not nice ones. I think he's learned his lesson.

Who am I kidding? Dare I say - he's a man.


Mama of Romance

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Petra said...

Oh my. I do not blame you for being upset honey! I feel the same way sometimes. We work so hard and we just want a little bit of help or AT LEAST some respect! It's all about give and take, and sometimes men don't seem to have any idea how much we really do. They think it is "equal" or that they do more when they go off the work, but no, it IS NOT! I respect my husband and am very appreciative that he works so hard for us, but sometimes I don't get that respect back and I make it known. That doesn't make me a bitch or a snob, it makes me an EQUAL!

Ann said...

I can't believe he asked, I just can't.
And MONEY?!? PAY you?!?
My jaw dropped to the floor a little while ago, I better go pick it up.

Denise said...

I have SO been there my friend. In fact, I am. DH works A LOT. In fact, he is gone right now for 3 days on shift. THREE. Nevermind I had food poisoning all day yesterday while taking care of a 1 year old.

I wish he was home more to help too - so I could get a break. We DESERVE a break don't we?


Rachel said...

LMAO...atleast he got it.

First time here and your soo funny..I will definately be back!

He needs to give you a break so you can let lose and he will then appreciate all you have's called work too except you don't get time off.

Melanie said...

Oh the hurdles we jump in our marriage..the husband one! I love my hubby, but agree with you..we too have our breaking points and they were not just the sperm donor in this family..last I checked Dad??!! Thanks for speaking my mind today..I feel better.

Ann said...

Hey Mama, take your mind off of things and join my Virtual Girls Night Out on my blog.
Come on over!

Tiffany said...

Came by from Ann's GNO... we have the opposite problem.. we run a business together and work from home....he is still an ass and I am still a "snob", (as your husband would say)!

Jaime @ Just Add Laughter said...

Well, you just described every night in my house.

I have to work. Yes, only 4 hours a day. Lately, it's been more. And not only do I have to deal with *my* 2 kids (I live with my boyfriend and he's not their dad), but also the many students I work with every day. Then, I come home and just want a little time to myself, to blog, read email before my kids come home, and he flips: "wasting electricity." WASTING? What about my sanity? Then, he expects me to throw together a balanced meal with no planning, and a half-stocked pantry and fridge. Yeah right. Kids are getting mac and cheese. Deal. They're not yours. You don't want it, make yourself something.

Grr..that felt good, and I doubt he'd read that here. I don't blog about it. :)

P.S. I have something for you HERE.

Keely said...

Oh, ouch...I can't believe he would even joke about offering you money!! I don't think I could have just said what you did - I would have smacked him with the laptop and told him to sleep on the couch!
If he's working enough, maybe you could hire some babysitting help for a couple of days??

MammaDawg said...

OMG. I think your husband and mine ate the same dang bowl of breakfast.

What makes them think that we'd want to have sex after an argument? Or I should say - without resolving an argument?

And - as if treating us like prostitutes would somehow get us in the mood.

lol - OMG - I am still trippin'. Thank GOD it's not just me going thru the same thing. Thank you for sharing!!