Monday, September 29, 2008

Liquorice Butt

Do you tell people that you know intricate details about your sex life? You know, hang out your dirty laundry?

I know that I don’t.

I don’t feel comfortable saying the word “sex” in front of most, if any of the people that I surround myself with on a regular basis. These people being my children, my in-laws, family members, and neighbors.

The only few people that I would dare say anything about the subject to I hardly speak to any more. These people being my best girlfriends from high school, that have now all moved, and started their own lives, and families.

When I finally do get a chance to catch up with them, sex isn’t the first topic that comes to mind.

But, not everyone is like me.

Do you know anyone, actually I’m almost certain that we all know at least one person that just gives us WAY too much information!

Well, after what I heard, I can no longer look the same way at a certain person - or their partner.

My husband was visiting his uncle, who strangely is closer to his age, than he is the age of what you think your uncle should be.

They were working together at something, and weren’t talking about anything sexual in nature.

Suddenly, his uncle just out of the blue decided to state the following:

“Hey, do know what is just so funny?”

My husband was expecting a joke, or a explanation of what was funny that his children did.

But, instead this is what he heard:

“Me, and the Mrs. were playing around last night in the living room, and I was totally naked. I was doing a little dance in front of the Mrs. and she was really excited about it. When all of a sudden, Mr. Soandso banged on our living room window. He saw me in the nude, buck naked with a piece of liquorice between my butt cheeks. The Mrs. likes liquorice.”

OMG! What do you say to that!?

Well, my husband was more shocked than he was about to laugh at what his uncle had assured him was going to be funny.

He mustered an “unhuh-” and then quickly changed the subject.

And, of course came home to tell me all about it.

Now I cannot get the mental picture of my husbands uncle out of my head. I slightly bigger man with a hairy back, in the nude, in his living room, with a piece of liquorice hanging down between his butt cheeks. Ah!

Some things just do NOT need to be shared with the people that you know. Some things should be kept sacred.

You don’t have to let everything hang out on the line.

I will never, in my life be able to look at him in the same light, my husband and I will have difficulty not calling him the well deserved title of “Liquorice Butt,“ or will I ever eat a piece of liquorice without thinking of his tale.

I wonder what kind of liquorice it was anyway? Haha.


Mama of Romance

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The Woman said...

lmao thanks now I can't get that image out of my head either lol

Meredith said...

This is typical of a man not knowing how to be a part of civilization. Another reason God gave man women. They need our help.

Too funny though.

H.E.Eigler said...

OMGOMGOMG thank heavens I don't really like liquorice because I dont' think I could ever eat it again.

Here's my too much info story. A woman i work with told me the other day about how she used to do the deed with her hubby all around the office (he used to work here too) The kicker is that I have his old desk! EWWWWW!!!!!!! I'm sitting at it right now EWWWWW!!!!!!!!! I feel dirty ;)

Keely said...

His tale, or his tail?
Either way - ew.

The Mom said...

Licorice will never be the same...especially black!

Ann said...

Oh... no...
That's just cruel.
And his wife likes that?!?
And I just bought a bag of Red Vines yesterday! Damn!

MissMelissa said...

LMAO How about nicknaming him Twizzler? I love licorice myself but I will admit, now I'm gonna have to inspect it before eating it lmao

Denise said...

I have a weird way of visualizing everything people tell me. I can admit I am cracking up at this image I have in my head right now. It's friggen hilarious but if that were MY uncle...I'd be shocked and a little creeped out!! LMAO! : )

Thanks for making me laugh this morning - I so needed it!

Allison said...

I am the person with no shame, however I have only one person I tell this stuff to outside my hubby and she does the same! From anyone else I will raise my eyebrows in that you just told me that?

Oh and liquorce in your butt cheeks? Do they not know what is near there?

Sweet Mummy said...

I'm laughing so hard! Holy cow! WAY too much information. I guess he thought it was safe to share the info with your hubby. Yah, you'll never look at him (or his wife) the same way again. LOL!!!

Mahoganydymond said...

I have no problem talking about sex to anyone. I know what is appropriate and what is not. I can't get that out of my head either. I think it is funny after the fact.

Leah said...

You've been tagged!

Straight to Your Hart said...

Twizzlers is what comes to mind..What an image!!

Renee' Simmons said...

This is toooooo funny! Now you have me & my hubby (read it to him), in our heads! What will I do with you?

Missives From Suburbia said...

Oh, dude! Licorice is totally ruined for me now!!