Tuesday, September 2, 2008

On a Serious Note

Well I am back from holidays. Or shall I say a nightmare.

Unfortunately, our vehicle broke down, and it took two days longer to get home, with our three little ones in the hot sun, walking endlessly, trying to entertain everyone, and after spending a fortune on a repair job that didn't get us home.

My husband ended up hitch hiking home to get our other vehicle since our cell phone was dead, and wouldn't have had reception anyway. We finally towed ourselves home.

What was supposed to be a 4 hour drive took 2 1/2 days.

I'm thankful though that we're all home at last, safe, and sound.

I missed blogging so much, and plan to slumber in my jammies for the next few days blogging it up with my kids at my side.

And, by the way - Mr. Grumpy Pants didn't fair out well in the Sex Dept. - I'm not sure that anyone would have given our situation.

Before I begin my blogging marathon....I need to do a little housekeeping.

While I was away, to my dismay I received my very first negative comment. And, seeing as how I have celebrated all of Sex Diaries of a Mom's 1sts, I thought that I shouldn't miss the opportunity to celebrate - okay to eliminate this one.

Speaking of which, if anyone knows how to delete comments - without moderating them, let me know!

Quite honestly, the comment left me feeling disappointed that some people can be so mean. I try to be nice to everyone, not because I want to put on a facade, but because I strongly believe that you should treat others the way that you would want to be treated.

The comment was left after my post Here, There, and Every Where. In a nut shell, the person that left the comment was angry at myself, and the enthusiastic readers of this blog for being "neglectful wives," and for being "shallow." This person also badgered a few people specifically, and said that our husbands/partners are all likely to want to see if the grass is in fact greener on the other side.

Since I can't delete the comment, and I do care about my readers, and fellow Mom bloggers, I feel the need to set this commenter straight.

First of all, the Mom bloggers who have contributed to Sex Diaries of a Mom, are nothing less than spectacular women; some wives, some partners, some single women. They are Moms. They are women who do more - for themselves, for their kids, for their significant others if they have one, and for their fellow Moms every day by sharing their stories, and supporting one another.

None deserve to be commented at in a disrespectful manner - and anyone who does so is not welcome here at Sex Diaries of a Mom.

Thank you everyone who has been supportive, kind, and just plain awesome.

Never once have I, or will you notice that I call anyone names. I think that it's mean. I may make reference to my husband as a "monster," or "Mr. Grumpy Pants." But he, and I both know that it's in good fun. He reads every word of what I write, and quite often chuckles while reading every sentence.

In fact, in our relationship, and in life, we strongly believe that you shouldn't disrespect people by calling them names, especially out of anger.

I started writing this blog because I wanted to share with other Moms what sex as a Mom can really be like - and in case anyone missed it....it's all in good, plain fun.

Life should be fun.

Many women, including myself have no one to talk about the trials and tribulations of motherhood - and sex. For many of us, it's a topic that is often ignored, and subdued.

I'm not out to get my husband, or to sabotage his sex life. The reality of motherhood is that sometimes, and I repeat sometimes sex just isn't an option. Period.

It's often disheartening for both the men, and the women in a relationship when sex is lacking. I do truly believe in the importance of sex in a marriage, in the importance of intimacy, and of showing your partner the love that they deserve.

The reality of motherhood though, especially with children who are very small however, is that often your sex life isn't like it used to be - or how it will become when they get older.

This doesn't mean that any new Mom should feel victim to a possible adulterous relationship because of their being sexually neglectful to their partners, or their partners feeling unloved, and not sexually satisfied though. I think that this is a statement that is insulting, and extremely inaccurate.

Any man who is a father, and who is of a good character in the first place should want to be understanding, and loving toward the mother of their children. When times get tough, and sometimes sex isn't the first priority in life, both partners should support each other, be understanding, and continue to love each other anyway.

The sex life of a Mom has its ups, and its downs. As does marriage. But, those who take their wedding vows seriously, and do truly love their partners, are in it for better, or for worse.

There is nothing "worse" about motherhood - it's a beautiful, natural part of life. Its tribulations are simply just a whole lot of poop, but in a different pile.

I don't think that anyone should judge people, make assumptions, or be unnecessarily mean towards another person.

It's important to also point out that not all men go out, and slave away for their wives, and children. And, although my husband does work hard to provide for his family. I work equally hard, and I am entitled to equal rights to have my needs met as well. If that means getting sleep as opposed to sex, so be it. It's not to spite him - it's because he loves, and understands what I need as well.

I won't judge, or assume why this person commented the way that they did.

And, by the way. After I read the comment - just to make it abundantly clear, I went to bed with my husband, and looked after him so well that I made his eyes pop out of his head. Oh, and it wouldn't be the first, and it won't be the last time that I do this.

Also, did you know that anger, or aggression is sometimes associated with the lack of sex? It's a hormonal thing. So maybe certain people would be a whole lot less grumpy if they were getting lucky more often - hehummm.


Mama of Romance

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Keely said...

Well said! I just found and quite enjoy your blog, and I was also offended by the comment you got. Marriage is a partnership, and works via compromise. There are always dry spells (of everything, be it sex or sleep or money or whatever) for both partners.

My blog shows a little 'trashcan' at the bottom of each comment when I am logged in. I haven't had to delete a comment yet, but that's probably it.

Kudos on a great blog, I will be back to visit :)

H.E.Eigler said...

Your response to this ugly comment was intelligent and eloquent. Leave it up. Be proud of your stance on her ramblings and know that you are speaking for the Moms out there who don't have anyone to talk to about these things. I think it's ridiculous to say the only thing different between love and friendship is sex. That's insulting to all the other things that go into a marriage like TRUST. Sure, I can trust my friends, but I don't trust them to be true to me for the rest of my life. This woman does not have a healthy view of relationships. I feel bad for her.

Melanie said...

"On a Serious Note," marriage is a work in progress DAILY. We ALL handle our personal relationships differently and when we find someone whom shares the same feelings it's nice to have the outlet! You have given great incentives to help in the "sex" catagory as well as the sympathetic catagory..as to the other women brought into the attack campaign, they don't deserve the treatment...amen to strong, independant and beautiful women!!

Opinions are like bum ho$@s...we all have them and sometimes what comes out is just a bunch of s@#$!!!

You keep it real, raw and right on the nose..Thanks

The Mom said...

Leave it up and be proud that you handled it with grace and dignity, and your post was very well written.

Don't change a thing.

The Mom said...

Keely...Thanks so much Keely for your comment! I totally agree - everything can't be perfect all of the time. It it was, life would be boring! Thanks for explaining how to delete...I didn't see that. I may need it in future!

Heather...Well coming from you, I appreciate that. Yes, there is som many other aspects that set a part being friends, and lovers. It's not all about sex. If it was, then we'd all be, well - dating. I think there are so many other things that encompass marriage, and a healthy relationship: communication, TRUST (like you said), sharing each other's dreams, goals, team work, comforting each other, playing together, learning more about one another, etc. Thanks Heather, and I too feel bad for her, and I'll let the comment stay.

Melanie...lol, never heard that expression before! Thanks Melanie. I try, and am glad you come to share your opinions. Thanks!

The Mom...Well thank you! I've decided to let it stay, and appreciate your input. Have to say at first, I was like - delete, delete, where is the delete button!? But, then I realized that it will probably not be the last negative comment I get, so I best get used to it.

Petra said...

Amen! you said everything I would have said to this woman, except for TAKE A HIKE YOU VENGEFUL BITCH! (LOL, I'm just kidding, I don't call people names either).

But seriously, I think your post was very indicative of what we as moms go through in a marriage and it in NO WAY means that we are not meeting our husbands' sexual needs and that he is going to stray! What, are we supposed to jump every time he says he wants sex? I don't think so! There is a difference between denying your husband sex and not being in the mood sometimes. GEESH!

Ann said...

You know Mama,
I was really taken a-back by that comment.
I didn't read it until I saw that my comment followed it. I was surprised, then mad, then flippin' mad when I clicked on the name and it wasn't accessible!
The words of a coward were left for us to read. And, unfortunately, those can really get under your skin. I was still thinking about today!
What a waste. What a waste of time and space, right?
Well, I absolutely support your response and I ABSOLUTELY SUPPORT your blog.
I am a part of your blog world and I wear that proudly.
Whew. I'm feeling much better now!